When I am feeling confined and the bone deep longing for change is crushing me, I search for guidance and inspiration all around me. I listen even more carefully to my family, radio and news. Straining for a sign to justify the intense and sometimes overwhelming need to find a path home. What would really be lovely and heaven sent? A sign. Literally. A sign from God that says: Go this way =>. I imagine it to be something like a scene from a movie. Golden paths stretching endlessly in many directions. Some paths look simple and flat. Tempting. Some paths roll gently before me, undulating forward, no major climb for as far as the eye can see. Doable. Then there are the paths in shadow. Rocky, nettle laced paths that scream danger. Easily weeded out. And there, before me, a path with my name on it. It calls to me, enticing me to follow the smooth stones. Come, walk along my tree lined path where flowers bloom in clusters at the base of each tree and berry bushes dot the path. Everything about this path speaks to me and my heart aches with wanting to step toward the coming adventure.
And here I stand, frozen. Which path to take? Am I selfish or actively reaching the solution or goal? Each day, every moment, I am listening. Searching for the sign or key. Searching for permission. Searching for absolution.
Searching for signs and that still small voice takes me many places. Every interaction an opportunity to glean meaning or direction. Every drive a chance to filter through the ideas and knowledge. Moments not occupied by work or responsibility are chances to ask myself: “Where do I go? What am I meant to do? How can I make that happen?”
I listen to my favorite radio station hoping and praying to discern God’s will in my life and find the courage to do something about it. The day my heart, mind and soul found the same page, I heard “Day One.” My own personal epiphany. I had discovered the answer to a critical question. With solid confidence, the answer was the same for the family of questions related to the life shaping question: “What is my purpose in this life? What is my most vital work? Is what I am spending my time on supporting that purpose, enriching my family, and laying a strong foundation?’ On this day, the ‘coulds & ‘shoulds were quiet. Knowledge, courage and bone deep certainty welled up and flowed. The time had come to stop making excuses and take control of life’s rudder. It is time to open my eyes and See. See the paths, the jar, the lid. “Day One,” an anthem to my soul. I am starting over. My future has begun.